Tonight as I was feeding Mary Claire, Joshua came to kiss me goodnight. He quickly slopped a kiss on my cheek and ran happily towards the door and then, quite unexpectedly, he stopped, turned around, looked at me, and said, “Mommy, when you go to sleep tonight dream of me, okay?” I laughed, promised I would, and he sped off to bed.
As I sat and finished feeding Mary Claire in the quietness of our bedroom I thought of how I do dream of Joshua. I dream of all that he might be one day, all that God may call him to do, whether he might be the one to find a cure for some rare disease or be president or somebody’s husband or any number of little dreams for our precious son. And these little dreams of mine inevitably turn to prayers for him. They always bring me to my knees as I am reminded there are no guarantees and that God does not promise me anything as a parent. I think of all the parents who have grieved the loss of child (I cannot even fathom the misery!), who have seen a child become prodigal and drift away, whose children have grown up and decided not to even like their parents at all! There are no promises. Just little dreams and huge prayers.
I pray with all my heart to have children who love God, who love and serve others, who love me, who want to spend time with me when they are all grown up….I pray that God would help me to love them and nurture them and that in His mercy they would one day reflect upon their childhoods with fondness.
And so when I close my eyes tonight I will dream of sweet Joshua and Mary Claire, the beautiful children I am privileged enough to mother. I will pray for sweet dreams to become sweet lives lived for Chirst and shared with all of us who so ardently love them.
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